Tuesday, January 7, 2014

How to fight your weakest, saddest feeling?

I am so down last month. I lost my mom before Christmas and I am not in the mood to write anything, until now I am in the middle of writing and writing not at all but I want share this part of my life experiences with you.
Really cannot think of the right words to share to you now. My blog is all about seeing beautiful things in life, my life experience as mother and wife. Encouraging people to do great things, think beautiful and be positive in everything but now, how can I encourage anyone when I am not okay and sad?
It is almost 40 days since my mom gone but still in process of accepting everything. I mean, I am still in the process of accepting that she is gone forever.
My Mom and I Christmas 2012 in our church 

 It is harder when I am alone. God knows how I want to be okey for I need to be okey for my kids. I don't want them to see how sad and hard to loose my mama, I just want them remember their grandmother how she was before she left us, that I want them to see how good it felt and be happy to know that their grandmother is happy with Jesus now. Loosing my mom due to some complications of diabetes, makes me feel so alone and weak, I felt like I never do anything for her.
I am a mother of two girls, my husband is away for his cruise ship photography job.
Whom I can talk to? My three siblings leave abroad to worked several months ago before our mom passed away, I have a sister here who helped me sort things up for funeral and burial  but she also busy with her own mourning and finding way to be okay also for her son. Good friends are good help to see things beautiful again, but I will be sad again when I am alone.

How to be okay? These things help me to smile again.

Read your Bible 
There is no other way to calm my heart and mind but reading my Bible. It always give me the right words of whats happening around me, on what to do, and how to do. Reading my Bible at my weakest days makes me strong again. And it really helps me to think straight again. As God says He comforts his people in our darkest times (Job35:9-10) and went we are weak (Isaiah 40).
As I was telling you that I was very sad as if I do not do anything for my mom. The Bible reminds me that no I am not. The Bible reminds me that I will be comforted when I am mourning (Matthew 5:4)  and while I am in grieve God is with me (2 Corinthians1:3-11),  what is calmer than that, knowing my God is with me while I am sad. And having the assurance that all these feeling of grief will someday end (Revelation 21:3-4).

Always Pray
Whatever happens pray (Ephesians6:18).  I learned that I cannot do anything without God. You may say that it is a cliché but it is true, I cannot be here writing, without Him. I cannot be who I am now without God. I am weak, I am gloomy without Him.
I got operated with my gallbladder when my husband and I still starting our married life together, I lost my house, car and jewelries two years ago and bound to many debts. And last month loosing my mom before Christmas.
So many reasons to be sad and gloomy but still I have many reasons to thank Jesus like before my mom died, my husband and I bought a new house twice as the price of what we lost two years ago. We almost finish paying our debts to our relatives, and just recently my husband got his promotion that will give us financial increase. I have two lovely kids and loving husband. The great I am still lives and still can be bless by God no matter what happen. In my sadness I find joy, by praying I am at peace that everything will be alright because after I pray I find hope that this pain soon will end as God promised.

My mom and family after Christmas Candlelight 2011 at Cathedral of Praise Manila

Plan your day with good things to do
Start the year right. Plan your life with new beginning.
Not that I want to forget my mom, she will always be in my heart, she will always be a part of my family, my life.
I want to think that she's always be here guiding us from heaven, watching us to do better for our own family. I am still here and I need to be okay soon.
Not that I will never be lonely and cry again when I remember my Mama  but when I get lonely or sad I will remember the wisdoms that she thought me and be here for my four siblings for always. I still have them and I know loving them will always make my Mama happy and proud wherever in heaven she is right now.

Talk with positive people
When you are sad it is not healthy to talk to negative people. I mean it is not good to talk or be near with people who will make you more sad and feel weak.
Give yourself space and break with friends or relatives that will pull you down.
It is so amazing but when times are tough you will recognize people that are not good to stay with your life.
When your in your saddest you will see people who will stay to love you and support you more. When times are tough God will leave people that will make you feel safe and been comforted, good news is when the mourning ends you will feel happy to be with those people who stayed at your weakest.
Life is beautiful, don't waste your time for anything that could make you feel imperior and sad.

To my Mama I will love you forever, no words can describe how I missed you and no tears could tell how lonely I am to loose you, but I have faith that I will see you again and someday we will sing with Jesus together.  

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